Pain

The story that is my life was not golden paved, I do no say this for sympathy, I say it as an observer of it. I say it as someone who can look back with gratitude in the full realization that every detail of what I considered to be suffering as been such a powerful precursor of my awakening. There is a part of me that somehow now feel immense tenderness towards that pain, it has cause a breaking of the shell that freed the perfume that is, soul. The tenderness I feel is for the gift I was given_empathy. The space around the heart that grew with every tear I shed. The longing for betterment my inner self yearned for at every thought of unworthiness. The seeking for love, unconditional. So many blessings  through the lens of 'pain' I saw.

So why does one feel fear of it; pain, a powerful word of the language of the mind, that instinctively make us run away from what it seeks to show us.  The word itself makes us cringe. It make us put up a spontaneous armour of defence. The defensive self arms itself for a fight at the slightest recognition that pain is knocking at the door. Fear becomes so potent, like a wounded animal, claws extended, in defence the self . Sometimes we succeed in doing so for years. Pain then becomes more powerful and only gathers strength waiting to make it's entrance. One can't avoid the lessons it calls us to surrender to.


Hmmm, pain makes us think after one has released into it willingly or unwillingly. Would it have been easier to face it straight ahead and courageously? Probably, but this is only hind-sight, as it does provide a marker for one who has learned their lessons. Next time, I will be courageous; next time I will let go and trust. Maybe one day I will have outgrown the need for it's return. Whether it does or not, I have learned to recognize it as a 'teacher' and bow gratefully for it's precious lessons.